Impressing the Duchess
by Anakinskywalkergo
Summary: Duchess Satine Kryze looses her respect for Obi-Wan Kenobi after she and her class of children hear him using profane language and cursing. So Obi-Wan is determined to win back her love...and uses Anakin Skywalker to do it...


_/Flashback/_

* * *

Obi-Wan could've sworn his forehead looked like a waterfall – he was sweating so much. He glared with envy at Anakin, who was grinning and walking around casually at the sights. They were in the royal palace, awaiting the arrival of the Duchess Satine Kryze for the ball.

Obi-Wan impatiently tapped his foot, and glanced at the clock. Five more minutes. "$&^% time," he grumbled.

Anakin raised an eyebrow and stared at him. "You shouldn't say that in front of the Duchess."

Obi-Wan growled. "Right, Anakin, like I was thinking of NOT doing that."

"I'm serious. $&^% isn't the best choice of words right now. Not if you want to impress the Duchess."

"I'm not trying to impress her, Anakin! Mind your own %D #$*&^ business."

Anakin scoffed. "See?! You did it again. Enough with the profanity, old man."

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes. "Well, what do you suggest, oh king of the silver tongue?"

Anakin smirked. "Not saying $%^% and %D #&*&^ for starters."

Obi-Wan laughed mockingly. "What about #$%^?"

Anakin's eyes widened. "Are you crazy?! No!" He shook his head. "You're going to mess this whole thing up."

Obi-Wan chuckled. "Alright, Anakin. I won't say $&^%, #$%^, or %D #$*&^."

"OBI-WAN!"

Obi-Wan felt all the color drain from his face as he spun around at the sound of the shrill voice. Satine stood there, pale, her brow creased with irritation.

"D-D-Duchess S-Satine. How nice t-to s-s-see you…" Obi-Wan stammered. Just then, he noticed the little row of tiny faces staring at him from behind Satine. "…um…who are these."

Satine frowned. "THESE children are part of the academy, none older than seven-years-old," she stated. "I was taking them on a tour of the palace before the ball. She turned to them. "Why don't you go and play for a while."

As the children began running around, Satine turned to Obi-Wan. "Thank you very much, Master Jedi," she said angrily. "You've just taught my charges a new vocabulary."

"Satine…"

"Duchess," she corrected him firmly.

Obi-Wan's face reddened. "Duchess…I'm sure they are completely unaware of what I just said. Like you just stated, they're mere children."

Suddenly, a small girl ran back over to Satine. "Ma'am, do you want to come play $&^% ball with us?"

Obi-Wan's face burned as the Duchess turned to glare at him. "If you'll excuse me, General, I believe I now have to teach these children a lesson about words."

As she stormed off, Obi-Wan turned around to face Anakin, who was grinning ear to ear and obviously trying not to laugh.

"Maybe I really am king of the silver tongue," he joked, chuckling.

"I hate you."

Anakin shrugged casually, flaring up his mentor's anger more. "Just apologize."

Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "Yes. That's right. Just apologize." He walked over to where Satine was talking to the children. "Duchess, I wanted to apologize for saying $&^% in front of the children."

Satine gasped as the children grinned, and Obi-Wan couldn't slapped himself. "I'm sorry!" he cried. "$&^% just slipped out!" He winced. "I'm sorry! I really am! I'm just a big, %D^*&$# fat, stupid, *&%&#!, %*)&^$# idiot! Urh! $&^%!"

Satine didn't reply for a minute, then shook her head. "Obi-Wan, I'm afraid I can't allow you to speak to me for a while with that mouth." She gently rounded up the children, and walked off.

Obi-Wan watched her leave.

"$&^%"

* * *

Anakin and Obi-Wan sat in the Temple cafeteria. "I can't believe I was so stupid in front of the Duchess," the Master sighed. "I've lost everything. She never wants to speak to me again."

Anakin patted him on the shoulder. "At least you've got your dignity Master…oh, wait. That shattered when the love of your life walked away. Guess you really did lose everything."

Obi-Wan groaned. "All because I said $*^%!"

Just then, Ahsoka walked by, and dropped her tray of food. "Master!" she cried. She bit her lip. "You should probably control your tongue."

Obi-Wan let out a louder moan. "See?! What's wrong with me?"

Anakin shrugged. "Maybe you just need to find someone more stupid than you to make you look good in front of the Duchess."

Suddenly, Obi-Wan beamed. "That's it! Anakin, I knew you were good for something! All I have to find is someone with a more filthy mouth than me!"

Anakin smirked. "You're admitting your filthy?"

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.

Anakin sighed, and pushed his now empty plate away. "Great, you have a plan. Now who are you going to find that can act like a total idiot with a foul mouth for your sake?" Suddenly, he felt Obi-Wan's sharp gaze on him. Anakin raised his hands, eyes wide. "No. No, no, no, no, NO!"

Obi-Wan grinned. "Anakin Skywalker, I think you have a new assignment."

* * *

Anakin and Obi-Wan stood outside the Senate library. "Alright Anakin, Satine is on Coruscant for a few days, and she's in that room. Go in there, and say some foul words," Obi-Wan instructed.

Anakin sighed, but entered the library anyway. Just as he left the hallway, Ahsoka ran up to Obi-Wan. "Where's Master Skywalker?" she asked.

"In there cursing his head off at the Duchess," Obi-Wan replied.

Ahsoka raised an eye marking. "Why?"

Just then, Master Windu approached them. "What are you two doing here?" he asked.

"Waiting for Master Skywalker to finish talking to the Duchess," Ahsoka spoke up.

Suddenly, shouts flooded from the room. "$%*^*, ^&$^&, !#&*!"

Mace frowned. "What in the Force is going on in there?"

Suddenly, Anakin walked out, sweating. Obi-Wan ran over to him. "Well, did you say those words?"

Anakin nodded. "Yes."

"And?"

Anakin sighed, and held up a small note with an address scribbled down on it. "I got a date."

* * *

"This is disastrous! Betrayed by my own Padawan! Who would have thought!"

"Obi-Wan, calm down," Anakin pleaded. "It's not the end of the world…"

Obi-Wan reached over, and grabbed Anakin by the collar. "YES IT IS! I sent you in there in hopes of winning of Satine Kryze, and you make a date with her! What did you say?!"

Anakin grimaced. "Well, it wasn't what I said. It may have been how I said it…"

_/"Duchess Satine," Anakin greeted, walking over to the young blonde woman._

_Satine looked up, and smiled. "Master Skywalker. What a pleasure seeing you," she replied. She looked around. "I'm assuming General Kenobi isn't with you."_

_"No, he isn't," Anakin stated. He took a deep breath. "Duchess, I know Obi-Wan said words like $&^% and %()&&#, but you've got to see beyond that. He can act like a real &%$ at times, but the good in people isn't always shown on the outside. You've got to see into someone's soul. Look into his eyes, and you'll see that there's much more besides his (&$# language. Like when I look into your eyes, I see a fountain of crystal, a pure heart. I see compassion and understanding, a woman whose willing to stand up, even against the heavens themselves if necessary, to defend her people. And I know that this beautiful, understanding woman will see what I'm trying to say…"/_

Anakin frowned. "Yea. How I said it was definitely the reason."

Obi-Wan clenched his fists. "Well then, my Padawan, you ARE going to take Satine Kryze out on a date." He managed a shaky smile. "And leave it up to me to make it the worst night ever."

* * *

And indeed, he DID make it the worst night ever. Disguising as the waiter, he made sure to spill water on Anakin's shirt, knock over the vase onto Satine, burn the food, and etc.

"I can't believe how awful this evening is going," Satine groaned, placing her head into her hands. "I do apologize, Master Skywalker. All I wanted was a chance to discuss some senatorial plans – and maybe some more…"

Finally, Anakin couldn't stand it anymore. "Duchess, please…I have to explain everything. The only reason I'm here is to try to get you to give Obi-Wan a second chance."

As if on cue, Obi-Wan ran up, rid of his disguise. "Yes, Duchess, I beg you – give me a second chance."

Anakin nodded. "I can re-fix this entire date, only with Obi-Wan and you. I swear, he won't use anymore foul language."

Satine sucked in her breath, and looked into Obi-Wan's right. Anakin's words had been true – she saw into Obi-Wan's heart, and she saw love. She smiled. "Alright, General Kenobi," she said with a teasing laugh. "I'll give you a second chance."

Just then, a waiter came in, carrying a large platter of desert. Obi-Wan stared at it in horror, remembering his recent orders to have the waiter trip and drop in all over the Duchess and her date – which was now HIM. "No!"

The waiter droid purposefully tripped, spraying food everywhere. Obi-Wan looked down at the disaster, and his soiled tunic, and his patience hit it's limit – then over. "Oh, )&^$(!#$^&!"

"OBI-WAN!"


End file.
